Witches and Wizzards

This was again written as an early poem back in early 2000. Can also be done as a very different monologue.

Witches and Wizards

Have you ever wondered what’s
Behind your house or in the garden?
Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve seen
Something – it’s fantastic!
It’s a strange world full of
Weird and wonderful things –
Magic, spells, witches and wizards.
I’m serious! This is real!
They have everything that we desire –
Chocolates, candy, toys, anything!
It’s all controlled by this one witch –
A pretty little thing – no warts at all!
Long black hair and a dress of gold.
You could tell she was all right!
Gave you a flash of her smile
If you were good – if not, then it
Was the naughty corner for you!
The naughty corner is full of nasty things
That you see in nightmares – spiders, ants,
Torture instruments tormented you for days,
That way you would never forget what you did.
It got across that what you did was bad!
Once your lesson was learned,
You were taken to the grand high wizard,
Who set you a task to compensate
The bad thing you did – it works!
He gets you to clean out his dragon’s lair –
Don’t even go there! His breath stinks!
It’s like he hasn’t brushed his teeth for centuries!
And the droppings he leaves – disgusting!
They’re big as a monster!
He’s magic though! His fire breathes
Out prophesies of your life.
Don’t see me becoming a lawyer though!
Once you’ve done that, you play with fairies
Until the fairy ring breaks,
Then you go into this cave
With jewels and books galore.
I spent a lot of happy times in there –
You can even try out the spells –
It’s perfectly safe – unless you accidentally
Turn yourself into a centipede!
Then you go through this hole in the cave,
Bringing you back home!
I tell you it’s true – ask anybody!
Go down to your garden and look hard –You never know what you may find…